'I set fires to feel joy'

Please say you have seen the movie.  Pitch Perfect.  A-mazing.  So sad it took me to long to see it.

I just wanted to say that I feel uber loved this week from so many friends and family call, texting, emails, and checking in on me.  I lucked out this week, and besides spending more time in side than I normally like, I wasnt horribly affected by the storm.  The Upper West Side is higher elevation and we never lost power.  It was nice to be back at work on Thursday.  We had a few displaces Downtowners stay with us and visit to charge cell phones.

A High School friend suffered a significant loss this week.  Her not-even-two year old lost his battle with cancer. He was diagnosed at 10 months and has been fighting for over a year now.  She has been one amazing, strong woman through all of this.  And my heart goes out to her and her family.

Between these two experiences, I have been having survivors guilt.  How and Why am I so lucky?  Im not sure why I deserve it, but definitely feel like I need to do more to help those around me.  I need to do more to grow my relationship with my Heavenly Father and my Savior.  I need to do more to be Their hands here on earth.  I need to do more to serve.

10-11-12

This day just needs to be documented for no other reason than the date is fabulous.  And its my bros bday.  And I just feel over-whelmed with goodness and need to share.  ....

But let me preface this with the fact that I have wanted to share more of a "real" view of me.  There is something about reading blogs after blogs, facebook post after facebook posts that talk about nothing but good and happy, and we all know that life is made up of more than just that.  And so those post just tend to feel fake, played up, untruthful.   Life is more than all of that.  Its also mundane, boring, sad, lonely, heartbreaking, elation, mellow, thrilling, confusing, enlightening, ...  Really, I could keep going.

And in an effort to be more real, I will say that the last 3 months have been hard. hard. Hard. HARD.  Ive moved before. Ive started new jobs before. I have looked for apartments before. Ive lived in cities, and even this particular city, before. Ive done it all by myself before.  But this time, it just seemed like everything was a bigger deal than it needed to be.  I attribute alot of it to the fact that this was not a "new adventure" which means alot of the excitement was there.  And all the reasons I was excited to leave NYC were then staring me in the face.

Without sharing too much in a more or less public setting, Im just going to say that I was in a bad place for awhile.  I really tried to hide it.  I tried to put on a smile and just pretend that it was all roses and blue skies.  But then I realized I just need to be open with it.  I needed to share my real thoughts that life was hard.  I realize that each and everyones hard is different.  We all handle situations differently.  But for me, during that time, it was hard.  There were days when it took everything I had to look past to hard I was feeling.  To have a larger perspective than the moment.  ....

The last week has been fabulous.  Seriously, nothing completely amazing happened, and really some not so great things happened.  But I just feel like the fog of a hard life is being lifted.  So much so, that yesterday I was walking home with an old friend. After catching up, he was like 'wow, life seems wonderful, because you just seem so happy.'  Reflecting back on the current, I laughed and thought that things werent amazing, but I wasnt feeling the dread that 'life is hard' was putting on my soul.

Today, I got an email from a dear friend in Charlotte.  I got the chance to spend time visiting with her over a few months, and really learning to love her and her experiences and spirit and energy.  "You are such a choice and powerful force for good.  I hope those you associate with there will appreciate and love you always."  Its always lovely to get comments like that out of the blue.

Im starting to realize that my snarky personality is not something everyone can handle.  But I have to admit, that it is apart of me.  I can be snarky.  I can be a tease.  I can be a jokester.  And I need someone that enjoys that and understands that side of me.  

My love language is Quality Time.  Whats yours?!  It really means so much to me when others make a point to seek me out, and spend time with me.  In this world of crazy schedules and long distances, I dont get much by way of true person to person quality time, but I do also appreciate phone dates and even a text to check in.  I appreciate all those in my life that do any one of those.  Im truly blessed and grateful for you!  ...  But then this is also the avenue in which I can feel like the 'stupid girl.'  Its hard for me to end bad relationships when the guy is still initiating quality time, and I dont have something else to fill that time.  Ahh, friends, Any advice out there?!  How do I decide that, as a friend once said to me, "I would rather watch paint dry" is better than attending to a love language that doesnt get attention as much as it needs?!  Ahhh.  The joys of being human.    ....  Im sharing the picture of my niece and I at my brothers Masquerade birthday party because it was while everyone was enjoying cake and ice cream did she express her gratitude for me being there that night.  And that made all the energy, effort, and cost to be there absolutely worth it.  Last time I was visiting, I had a horrible headache and was trying to nap.  Anytime I opened my eyes for a moment, she would be there asking when we would be able to play.  Ahh.  Of course little one.  ...  I love that that little girl already knows how to speak to my love language.

And I just had to share this one, because the little is 1) looking a the camera, and 2) smiling!  And really, its fun to wear other masks!  Considering I was around for all the 3 kids up to this age, Its been hard for me that its taken a bit of time for him to warm up to me.  But I feel like tonight was a break through.  He would actually come and find me and want to play.  Granted, a large part of that might be due to my iPhone apps, but Ill take it.  Gotta win him over with something!

The New Norm

Upper West Side is my new neighborhood. 

Central Park is my backyard

Manhattan Temple is one of the lovely buildings I pass on my morning commute. 

I have a view of the USS Intrepid from my office, which is the large square building right in the middle. 

Time Square is the annoyance to get through on my evening commute, if I need to take the subway vs bus. 

And this how I escape the city. . . 

To see these faces for a little birthday celebration. 

PS.  Really annoyed that it wont all align as I would like. ... Sorry.  Dont have the patience for Blogger tonight.  

Homelessness

Ive been homeless for a week now.  Pretty over it.

Been living out of a suitcase for the most part of a month. Over it.

Ready for life in NYC to really begin.  If all things work out as Im hoping at the moment, I will have a place in Harlem.  Yes, yes, Its Harlem.  But until you have been there, you cant knock it.  


For those of you yet apprised of my current state of affairs, first of all, I do apologize for not more formally telling you. But here is the quick run down.  I got an amazing job opportunity in NYC to do what I have been doing for lots more money and more career growth.  So when I left for London, I also had finished my job at TWC.  When I returned from London, I packed up all my belongs.  Loaded them into a 8x7x7 POD, said good bye to many dear friends and a city that had grown on me, and drove to NYC/CT.  I looked at apartments on Friday and then again on Monday.  And after looking at over 30 places, some of which should be condemned vs charging $1800 in rent, dealt with brokers that want to charge you an arm and a leg for about an hour worth of 'work',  I found a place in Harlem.  So Im in the process of applying, moving in, and starting a job, etc.

With all that being said.  Im ready for life to calm down, just a bit! :)  And would love visitors, anytime!

Team Processing with Team USA

There might be one or two of you wondering what I did for Team USA.  Here is a little video that explains it a little.

I was directly working with the Ralph Lauren team who was in charge of the Opening and Closing Ceremonies.  There isnt much in the video regarding that aspect of it, as they didnt get permission in time to add it to the film.  Gotta love the politics of it all.  But in the short, I helped them try on those two outfits/uniforms, along with a fitter and a stylist, who then we sent the clothes to the tailor so that Team USA was/is looking fabulous.

What is Red, Black, Green, Yellow, and Blue and as has no corners?

In just 3 weeks,  Ill be riding in a plane to this lovely little place.  To volunteer with Team USA helping to get the US Athletes all ready for the Games.  Im stoked! I will be volunteering for 7 days, which will leave me a few to tour before returning home.  I will be spending some time in Oxford with my lovely travel buddy Julie who is living there.  But Im also just excited to wander the city, see some sights, feel the excitement, and just enjoy after/before my volunteer shifts.  Oh, and I hear the swing dance scene is fabulous there!  

Greener Grass

I was in the LA for work for the past 5 days.  It wasnt the greatest work trip.  I realized before I left that the purpose of going out there wasnt exactly there any longer, and that it was just going to be "working out of the LA office."  But then I get there and had access issues with the firewall there, and I couldnt get to all the programs I use daily.  So it was a waste of time, more or less.  On a personal note, I did get to enjoy dinner with a few friends, saw a few other friends, had dinner with a cousin, and enjoyed a change of scenery. So not a total bust!

When I was driving home from the airport, I stopped at the grocery store to buy some basics knowing that I had nothing at home.  My grocery store of choice is the Wal-Mart in the Ghetto.  And last night tested my patience.  At 11pm, there was 1 cash register open, in the WHOLE store.  SERIOUSLY Wal-Mart?!  I realize that Im not going to a store known for customer service, but really?! ONE register!  After walking back to check out with my three items from the tech department, and getting told that he couldnt help as they just took his cash drawer from him, I dropping my things and left the store not having bought anything, and wasted 20 minutes of my night.

All I could think while driving home was how nice it would be to have a husband, or even boyfriend, or even a good friend, that would have already picked up those items for me so that I would have breakfast in the morning.  And how nice it would have been to have someone that really care that I had a mildly crappy trip.  And how it would have been nice to have someone to cuddle up with and watch something on the DVR before going to bed. ...  And then, when I got home to an apartment with a broken A/C, I could only think it would have been so nice to have had someone to have dealt with it when it broke instead of having to go to bed in a blistering hot apartment.  ...   The grass is always greener I realize.  But today, Im just saying it would be nice to have someone!