Dream vs Nightmares

What happens when your dreams come true? The Princess rides off into the sunset with Prince Charming. What happens when a nightmare comes true? And if that nightmare of yours comes true, not to you, but someone close to you?

My niece had a seizure at school on Friday. She was taken to the hospital, and after testing they found a 3.7 cm growth on the left side of the brain. They dont know what it is, but will be doing more test and surgery this week.

For the last eight years, this is my biggest nightmare. I have always felt like one day I will be taken to the hospital and they will finally find something to explain this constant pain in my head.

I found out about this on Sat morning. But with a crazy busy weekend, I didnt fully compute what was going on until late Sunday, and then more on Monday. Mixed with other emotional conversations from the weekend, I broke down. I could not stop crying at work. I finally had to leave. My medicine to deal with life, is to watch a movie, preferably alone. Alittle weird, maybe. But its a way to be apart of someone elses life for a couple of hours. When I come back to reality, I usually have a larger perspective, and can think.

Contentment

I love Boston. I dont think that I have ever really truly love a place, until now. I walk around in the city, and I just feel at home. I drive around, and although I might be yelling at other drivers or pedestrians, and I love the feeling of accomplishment. (Unless you have been to Boston and tried to maneuver yourself through, I just cant explain. It can be a cross between Egyptian driving, and just plain stupidity!)

Boston is so absolutely quirky. Bathroom light switch is not in the bathroom is a good start. But even with the quirkiness of it all. Its has its beauty.

I love the character of the city. I love the big city life in a small town feel. I love the change of seasons. I love being able to take public transportation around town. I love being so close to so many other places. I love walking through the Prudential on my way home from work. I love driving fast down Storrow. I love driving back into Boston via I-93 and the Zakim Bridge. I love being able to see the skyline from the I-95 tollbooth. I love eating at diners. I love hanging out with my Books and Basketball friends. I love 4th of Julys Boston style, whether its watching the fireworks by canoe on the Charles, or from the Mass Ave Bridge, or just chillin on the bank of the Charles while listening to the Boston Pops. I love the people that I have meet and the situations that I have been apart of and learned so much from.

All of this is making it so much harder to find something else for me. I dont want to move on unless there is a definite reason to move on. I love this city. I dont want to leave it on a whim. But Im starting to feel the itch. The itch to do something new, and experience new things. But I have to find the right "thing."

One Month

Its been over a month since I have had caffeine! I have to admit that Im pretty darn proud of myself. There was no initial thought to stop drinking it. But after a couple of days, I just wanted to see how long I could go, more or less in an effort to prove that Im not addicted to it. Throughout the last month, I didnt really feel like any of my headaches were from the lack of caffeine, and really just about the same as always.

Oh how I really miss the taste of Pepsi and Dr. Pepper at the moment. Too bad the convenience store across from work only sells Diet Caffeine Free Pepsi. I would rather drown myself.

Reminder: I voted for this

I have to continually remind my self that oh so long ago, I voted to come to this earth. I voted to have a body, and I voted to be tested. I voted to be mortal. Simple, I choose this. I choose to be apart of this. And now I must face the choice I made. Im so very thankful that Heavenly Father is merciful enough to realize that we would need a Savior. That we, in our mortal state, will never be able to become perfect on our own. I am so very thankful that Christ fulfilled Hs word. That Hefollowed through with Hs portion of the plan. That He made it possible to return to my Heavenly Father.

There are days that I just simply feel like I am in a fog. That I am simply passing through this mortal experience just to get by. But then I dont really feel like I know how to do it any other way. Maybe its because of the situations I put myself in. But I dont always feel like matters of the heart are subject to just myself. . . .

Balance. That is a word that seems so easy. But can be so hard to put into action. I must say that I have felt much more balanced in life since I have been spending time reading the scriptures in the morning. It isnt always easy. But it has been worth it.

My Dad!

I randomly called my Dad today. I dont like to talk on the phone, and neither does my Dad. Therefore we go days, weeks, and even months without speaking. No harm as we both realize this. But I do love my Dad. So I felt so inspired to say Hi. He was in the middle of working on my parents bathroom. They are remodeling. Oh the fun! Well. We were chatting and somehow I mentioned something about Books & Basketball. He claims that in the almost 3 years I have been participating as a Tutor he has never been told about it. I know I have talked to him about it and the kids that I used to drive. . . . Ahh, I just think. My Dad is getting old, and it makes me sad. I really want him around when I get married and have children. The later is the one that Im more concerned with. I really felt like I missed out, because my grandparents were not alive after I was 8 y/o. I barely remember them. I want my children to know their grandparents and the great people they are.

I cant wait for him to come out to CT to help James with the house. That means that he will be closer to me! And I cant wait to be able to spend some more time with him. I think that it will be really good.

Family!

Living close to family has made my Boston experience so much better. I love being able to get away from the hustle and bustle of my busy single life, and being able to spend time with people that matter the most. My Brother, his wife, and my awesome nephews.

James works like a dog in so many ways. So, I wanted to give him a Saturday afternoon to relax. I took the boys out. We went to the Childrens Museum in Hartford. I have to admit that for the overall experience, I like the Boston Childrens Museum so much more. They have more exhibits, and generally better exhibits. But the Hartford one does have a planetarium. Taylor was very excited to see a show as he has been studying about the Solar System in Kindergarten. Jack loved to see the turles, snakes, and lizards. But in generally he just loved to run and play with everything! Its also nice to be able to take them somewhere where they can play with everything. We then went to McDonalds. I know, I know. Not the healthiest lunch, but it was cold out and they could also play on the indoor playground. Jack and Taylor both got Nugget Happy Meals. Jacks had a Chicken little toy, while Taylors had a Lilo (from Lilo and Stitch) play dough set. Well, Taylor thought that was not as cool as the Chicken Little one, and enticed Jack to trade. Its a good thing that Jack is still to young to realize when he is getting the short end of the deal.

It was simply just nice to have a place that I feel completely at home. A place where I know people love and appreciate me. A place for refuge against the commotion of everyday life.

Im really excited for my Dad to come out. Granted he will be in Hartford. But that will be much closer than Texas. I love my Dad. He is the greatest. I know he doesnt feel that way, but he has very ungrateful Children. I meet this lady in my brother's ward that grew up in Texas. She mentioned to me about how her father has the up more respect for my father, eventhough my father is younger. Its nice to know that others recognize is kind, and giving heart. He is great. He has been through a lot. Im not saying that he is perfect, but Im just saying that I love my Dad.

I have one of the most hilarious cousins in the world. I just bought a plane ticket to go and visit him in May. I also bought tix to go to the A's vs Giants game while Im there. I just sit and laugh everytime we either talk or get together. Im excited for the trip. May should be a great time to be in San Francisco also!

A Day Off

I love Martin Luther King Day. During school, I mean elementary and high school, we would always talk about Martin Luther King and what he did for the country. We would read the "I have a Dream" speech. We would walk a movie about segregation, and the battle to move past it. . . . But now that Im a working professional, he has done so much more for the country. He has given us a day off work and no huge obligation. Maybe Im not being very respectful, but I dont feel that he died in vane. But rather he helped progress America to what it is today, on some fronts that is. But he has given me a day off work. Granted not all people are givin the day off work, and so I thank my employer

I love the chance to really recoup after the holidays. I was able to play volleyball for hours this year. Something I have not done in YEARS. I also had a chance to work on my photo book album. . . . I think that the nicest part of the day was the simple idea that it was my day. My day to do as I pleased. To wake up when I wanted to. To do as I wanted. . . . It was nice.